fig 1.1, 1.2

[khoa]

i meant for this blog to initially be a music review blog, but then i got -- tired. not even in a way that is exhausted, but in a way where...anyway, it doesn't matter. my job is whatever. lol. i'm trying to start using this again. i want to figure out how to word things better, and speak in a way that is more adequately able to capture how i feel. 

i miss blogging. honestly, i really miss reading longform content. it's so rare these days; people don't even really do meta (?) anymore which is crazy to me. it felt like you could always find SOMEONE elaborating at length about some passion, but even that seems to be gone. i miss seeing people talk, and talking in turn. in a lot of ways, it felt a lot more intimate than shortform content does now. i think this is in part, to me, because shortform needs to be condensed and snipped at the edges until it falls in line perfectly, but longform doesn't have any such restriction? if that makes sense. i used to read fashion blogs obsessively growing up. so many i loved!! maybe i'll post a deep-dive of fashion blogs and themes i was obsessed with growing up (still am -- i am hilariously unchanging lol)

what did i do this month. i caught covid on christmas day, and that effectively fucked up my entire first week of january LOL. never made resolutions because i was knocked out on the couch from fatigue. i guess...days before march. i'm trying to make formal resolutions now? lol. so here they are:

• body for 1 hour a day

in essence, what i'm trying to say is: work out lol. my issue is that i'm so BAD at consistency? i work out for a month straight, then i get a cold. so i stop. and then i stop for 3 weeks, because i can't exercise because my chest hurts, so i've essentially broken that consistency. so rather than pushing myself to "exercise", i'm just going to say -- move my body. if i can't run, then slowly stretching carefully. if i have major projects due at work and i know i'll be too burnt out to summon the strength to hit the gym, i'll take multiple 15 minute breaks and go for walks. 

• eat more intuitively, in a way that is good to my body

okay, in short -- i am intolerant to so many things. i need to stop setting my body off and actually eat what is good for me. no wonder my gut health is mid, smh.

• log off

self-explanatory. i deactivated my kpop twitter account after a really long time and also kind of with no warning to my oomfs (sorry, lol. also i still love kpop so not sure how i'm going to assuage the urge to discuss) but i'm done. i'm logging the fuck off. i want to sink my toes into the soft grass and feel the cold air on my face. i don't want to live inside my room and inside my head anymore. i did that for so long. to be honest, it's true that i'm lonely and there's still so much wrong with me but i'm tired. i'm done. i'm never going to be at 100% -- i just need to accept that as reality and move on. how much of the world will pass me by if i am too scared to open my eyes? 

here's to a new year! hahaha. 2013 2023 will be my year, etc.